So. As many of you know, I've been exploring a new area of the country quite a bit, and naturally have been attending other churches......which comes with meeting lots of people. Most of the churches down here actually have a very large number of young adults, most actually older than me and all of whom who are just active. You see people in their late 20s-30s dancing at church, participating in game nights and talent shows and its so refreshing because no offense to NY, but its borderline impossible to find that up there. Everyone just becomes too cool for school after high school, lol. Needless to say, I'm loving the social scene here. I'm the kind of person that just likes knowing everyone just because, so most of the time, meeting guys never goes beyond friends, but then every now and then someone wants to go to dinner or something. Obviously this is natural at this age, but what's the code of conduct when you are between a couple of large churches and someone wants to get to know you? Can you go out casually a couple times with someone, have it not work out and then go out with someone else from that church? Can you even casually talk to people at church related functions without everyone assuming you're going to get married? I know there's got to be other single people out there who hear me on this, lol. What is the code of conduct?
I'll share a recent story, since its pretty much impossible for anyone to figure out who I'm talking about. I met a guy at a church event, and he was cool. We went out a whole bunch of times, and it was just fun. We even had even discussed the fact that he'd been talking to a girl who used to visit the church before and that some guys from the church had approached me before. It was nice just being upfront and having fun. We talked about what we want out of life (which was similar), both wanting a serious relationship relatively soon and the whole nine, but we also were both just trying to take our time. Cool! So one day, we went out to brunch, took a walk and when he walked me to me car we chatted, and then all of a sudden, dude says that he isn't ready for a relationship "incase that's what I was looking for." I was a bit blindsighted by this because every time we went out, it was because he asked, and pretty much every time we talked on the phone or texted, it was because he reached out. I wasn't pushing him either way. He also is a lot older than me, and of course, he already said he'd hoped to be married in a few years which is hard if you're not ready for a relationship. I actually didn't say any of this to him though, I just said OK and got into my car. I was so confused. He texted me later saying that he hoped it wasn't too weird. *sigh* Yes, it was weird because it was so out of the blue! LOL. I wasn't mad, but I was super curious. I told him that it was kind of weird, but OK because we were just talking. Then he called a little over a week later to talk about it. So I finally shared why I thought it was weird, and after just saying he wasn't ready a million times, he finally came out with it. "Remember that girl I told you I was in a relationship with a while back?" Hmm, you said you were talking to her for a couple of months, but OK. "Yea, she visited church one day saw me and you talking , and she sent me a really long email about it asking how I could be dating already, and she's upset so I feel like I should just give it time." I wanted to laugh, but I was just silent for a while, and said OK. In the non-church world, that doesn't work. Why is it so crazy that a couple months after something didn't work out, the person is talking to someone else? This is why as awesome as it is that I get to meet so many young adults who are on my wavelength, I'm still walking on egg shells. Its kind of unclear how the rules change in the church world.
So what is the dating code? I really am looking for a little commentary from everyone else on this. It seems that everyone thinks of this differently, and it could make for a pretty fun discussion :). Share your advice below!